Thoughts from the night {in the light of day}

Last night was difficult. As I slept I suddenly heard my almost-two-year-old make frantic cries for me. Jarred out of sleep and mostly blind I stumble through the darkness into his room where I found him standing in bed confused and afraid. I sat with him for a moment to console him, rubbing his back. After a short while I started to move back to my own bed only to be drawn back to his side by fearful sobs. My children have for the most part been easy when it comes to bedtime and sleeping through the night. Monkey put us through the ringer, but with the boys we've had it made. Even though they are good sleepers, this scene is not unfamiliar to me. My parents will attest that more nights than not from age 4-10 I lay awake in bed gripped with fear. Memories of my own anxieties and fears came flooding back as I sat their in the darkness trying to protect my youngest from whatever was plaguing his mind. Everything seems unmanageable in the middle of the night and I was drawn into thinking of

the houseguests coming next week

the unplanned VBS lessons

an untended garden

unkept promises,

a harsh word unreconciled

an empty refrigerator

a dwindling checking account

all of which seem unconquerable at 3am. Then piling on top came the less tangible fears

did I hear the doornob jiggle?

is the baby breathing normally?

does he feel warm?

did I leave that light on in the bathroom?

All at once I feel a life preserver lift me out of the thoughts drowning me in my head as my lips recite truths found deep in my heart. Planted in childhood in those dark fearful nights with my mom praying over me now grown into full blossoming tress of faith. him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. {1 John 1:5}

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. {Romans 8:38-39}

When I am afraid I put my trust in you. {Psalm 56:3}

And I remember as the whispered words leave my lips that God is sovereign even over my fear.

In his mercy he has drawn me out of sleep so that I will surrender those things I am too distracted to bring to him during the day. So I will feel deep reliance on him, his nearness and his love.