Another day to trust

April 2013 050This was a pretty crazy week for our 8-month-old. He was born with a minor birth defect that we were told would need to be repaired around now. We had him scheduled for surgery on Thursday. Sunday night he had a fever that spiked to 104, so I took him in on Monday and discovered an ear infection. The doctor put him on amoxicillin to try and get him well by his surgery day. In the morning when I went in to get Tiger I hardly recognized him, His face was swollen and he was covered in red welts. Back to the doctor and it turned out he has a penicillin allergy. The good thing is, his ears were cleared up and his fever was down so we were given the green light for surgery.

The Dude's parents drove seven hours to come play with the three big kids while the Dude and I drove four hours from our home to a hospital that specializes in this kind of thing. Prior to getting in the car the Dude and I hadn't really discussed the surgery. Too be completely honest, I hadn't thought much about it. I think it was a defense mechanism. I know my weaknesses. I know that if I let it, my mind can wander to scary places... so I guarded against that by not thinking about it at all.

But now we were in a quiet car and the fearful thoughts started to come out.

What if he doesn't wake up from the anestesia?

What if this is our last night with Tiger?

Did we really weigh the risks with the benefits?

The questions and fears and uncertainty finally turned to what is true, our answer for everything.

Let me take a quick timeout and assure you that none of the following statements are made callously. I have shed many fearful tears over the lives of my children, and my friends' children, and my nieces.... but there are some things we must know.

God is sovereign over all things. Sometimes babies die. That is just the reality of life in this world. Does that mean God is not good or that He does not love us? Does that mean his promises are no longer true or don't apply to me? My answer is an emphatic no. 

So often we take what we think to be best, our perfect worldview, and try to fit God into it.  We've got it backwards. Take what is true about God. The things that will never change. The promises He has made to those who love Him. Form your worldview around that. Answer your toughest questions with what He has already said. Let the Word of Truth be what is solid, and your view of your circumstances be what is fluid. Some of the things we were reminded of as we drove

We are called according to God's purposes, and we love Him, so all things work together for our good. Our good specifically being formed into the likeness of Christ. Christ knew suffering and sometimes we must know suffering too. If that suffering makes us look more like Christ, then it is for our good. Reminding ourselves of this on Wednesday before Tiger's procedure gave us courage to face Thursday, even if the all things that we might face were not what we would have wished for ourselves. {Romans 8:28-29}

The Lord will help us if we take refuge in Him. The mark of a Christian is not debilitating fear, but confidence in a God who knows, and cares, and will help. That doesn't necessarily mean that He will help in the way you think He should help, but know that whatever you face, He is helping you and will continue to help you. {Isaiah 41:14}

These two particular truths calmed our fears and helped us to face the next day, which turned out just fine. Praise the Lord. But if it hadn't, Praise the Lord.

I am so thankful that I had another day to hold my baby. Another night to rock him to sleep. Another chance to hear his laugh, see his smile, calm his cries. Another day to trust that I don't know what is best. I don't know what will work best for our good. Another day to trust in the One who does.